Check out the potatoes that are sold in the grocery store. Milon and I were not sure if they were potatoes or not the first time we saw them!
For instance, the police sit in their cars on the side of the road and look for speeders. When they see a car, they jump out with a wand a wave them down to pull over. Sometimes the cars stop and sometimes they don’t. We witnessed this first hand when walking home from the grocery store. The cop flagged the car over and person in the passenger side was waving to the driver to keep going! The cop didn’t seem to care.
Also, they use homemade brooms here. My mom saw a man clipping the lower branches of trees and then bunching them together with a long pole in the middle. They would then tie them together with 3 strings to make a broom.
Below is an email from a lady who lived in Kazakhstan for 7 years. She is the sister of a friend of Milon’s from wok. Most of this we witnessed while staying here. It was helpful to have an understanding of this culture before we arrived.
Hello Robert,
Yes, my brother Scott told me that you would be writing to us and I looked forward to hearing from you. We lived in Shymkent, Kazakhstan (southern K-stan) for 7 years. First of all I would like to say congratulations on your upcoming adoption! I am always thrilled when I hear people are adopting from Kazakhstan. I have been in many orphanages there and it is wonderful that some children will have the opportunity to escape their situation. Generally children living in orphanages will be "released" at age 13-16, and will be completely on their own. While living in K-stan my husband and I helped an American couple during their adoption of two children. We went to court with them and saw how the process works. I am assuming you will have a representative from the adoption agency there with you to assist with these things and also translate for you. I am curious, do you know the ethnicity of the child you are adopting? Is she Kazak, Russian, or something else? Depending on your answer I can give you additional advice/suggestions.
As for your questions... First of all, we've never visited Western K-stan where you will be going, but from what I understand it is pretty similar to the area we lived in. (the majority of the population of Aqtobe is Kazak, just like Shymkent) So I hope the advice I'm giving you is accurate and helpful. As for safety concerns, I was never nervous about living in Kazakhstan and I felt perfectly safe. However, if your wife and son are staying in Aqtobe by themselves, I would suggest that you choose a good neighborhood and choose an apartment that is NOT on the first floor or the top floor. Apartments on these floors get broken into more often. Also make sure the apartment has a good door with good locks. I am sure that the adoption agency rep. will see to all of these things for you. It is a city, just like a city in the US, so normal safety precautions would be good to remember (like don't go out at night, lock your doors, etc.) I would also find out if there are other ex-pats (American or European) living in the area who might be able to provide help or companionship.
As for gifts, yes, they like all things American. One thing I would suggest is to avoid anything that has the words "Made in China" written on the tags. China exports all its worst quality things to K-stan, so the locals always associate China with very poor quality (junk). We've taken all kinds of things as gifts... T-shirts (if made in the US or somewhere other than China), scented candles, make-up, toys, hair accessories for little girls, candy, photo books about the USA, postcards, posters, jewelry, etc.
Yes, there are pre-paid phone cards. I don't know if they'll work with your US cell phone or not, but since you work for a cell phone company, you would know! :-) I would suggest buying them there since you know it will work. We didn't use cell phones for calling the US, we had a landline phone with a special plan for calling the US. The phone system there is terrible, so cell phones might be better. If you use the regular phone company (Kaz Telecom) it will be very expensive to call the US. You can also you skype if you have a good internet connection somewhere. (which isn't garunteed) Cell phones are very popular there and they sell phones and cards everywhere.
As for cultural tips... the Kazak and Russian cultures are quite different (no matter what the people themselves might say about it). We are most familiar with the Kazak culture, since we spoke Kazak and spent the majority of our time with them. Personally, I think they are a fascinating culture, and there is a lot to tell, but I will try to keep it brief. The Kazaks are Muslim, but usually in name only. They are generally more superstitious than anything else (though there may be an exceptions of course). Russians also have superstitions. it is impossible to tell about all of them, but one of the common ones that Americans have trouble with is the handshake in the doorway. They do not like to shake hands over the threshhold of a door (it is bad luck). Also, they do not like lots of compliments about people, especially about babies, since it invites the attention of the evil eye. I have heard people say, "Oh what an ugly baby!" which is understood to mean the opposite, but will trick the evil eye. They often pin safety pins with black and white beads on them to a baby's clothing, or hang amulets or feathers on babies to ward off evil spirits. I personally never called anyone's baby "ugly" but I did avoid comments on beauty altogether. I just asked questions about the baby's age, developmental milestones, etc. or gave compliments on clothing or something. You may also notice that people may not have the bottom half of the baby covered. They generally do not use diapers. They train infants to pee at the signal of a certain sound, and they are constantly taking them to the toilet. In the last few years more "modern" mothers buy pampers (individually) for special occasions or when taking trips to stores or restaurants. Russian babies are also potty trained very early, but they seem to use diapers more readily than Kazak mothers. If a baby has a birthmark, it is given an automatic name "Anara" which means pomengranite... t his name is supposed to help "heal" the baby from its birthmark. (Just a warning in case your adopted girl has a birthmark)
Another major thing to remember is that you should always remove your shoes before entering a person's home. when you enter a doorway, look to see if people's shoes are lying there, which means you should remove yours. People are offended if you wear your shoes into their home. I don't know what the custom will be inside the orphanage. Another thing that was hard for me to learn, is that blowing one's nose in public is not polite. You can wipe with a tissue discretely, but not opening blowing. It is more polite to hold one side of your nostril and blow onto the sidewalk (though I never could bring myself to do that). Also you may observe lots of people spitting on the sidewalks... I know its gross but it happens. Be careful where you walk! Also, be careful your little toddler doesn't touch things.... there will probably be broken glass and other trash lying around. (they aren't particularly good about litter)
A few general observations about culture... they are very hospitable and like to spend time talking and drinking tea. A guest is taken very seriously. They will even not go to work or cancel all other plans for an unexpected guest. They are NOT time oriented at all. Nothing is done efficiently. It can be very annoying as you wait for things to get done. There is also a bribery system in place which can make things get more drawn out. People usually do not wait in proper lines.... its more of a mass of people. They like to shop at the bazaar, which is an market place. It is a very interesting place to see, so I would suggest you visit at least one time (but make sure you don't have anything valuable on you since there are lots of pick-pockets and beggars). They usually haggle prices and will initially quote you a ridiculous price. Since you won't have the language, stick to prices that are written down on items. usually the sellers all have calculators, or you can bring one so that you can show the price on it. The police are very particular about cameras... if you are taking pictures in a public place they might ask you to stop. I would try it and then just claim ignorance. :-) Also people like to have their picture taken, though they liked to be asked. You can communicate a lot without knowing the language. Also, you'll notice that most people do not smile for pictures.
Be prepared to be stared at. People can tell you are different, and many people have never met an American. They may motion at you, or talk about you or even to you. Also, they will think you are crazy if you walk around smiling at strangers on the sidewalk or on public transportation. As for clothing, people may be poor, but they spend a lot of time and energy on looking good. They may only have one or two nice outfits, but they will wear those outfits every day.... and usually 3-4 days in a row. People wear their nice outfit to work or school, and then come home and wear their "house clothes" or robes. They may or may not wash their nice outfit in between wearings. The ultra casual clothes most americans wear is strange to them. The women always look like they are going to a party... high heels, and dressed up. The younger girls do wear jeans, but they are not the torn, faded jeans of American teens. The guys usually wear dress shoes or nice sneakers. If you go in August, it may still be hot, so bring sandals. Women generally do not wear shorts unless they are in their home (though girls will wear them). Men sometimes wear long shorts. The ladies do wear capris in the summer and skirts or sundresses.
Other things... Usually they do not flush their used toilet paper down the toilet. They put it in a basket next to the toilet. I know its a strange (and gross) thing... but apparently the Soviet pipes can't handle the paper. Some newer, more modern apartment buildings have the capability, so maybe you won't have this problem. Also, many toilets in restaurants and at the mall, airports, etc. may be what we call "squatty potties." Which are toilets in on the ground where you squat to go. These can be challenging if you aren't used to them. You also need to pay to use them in most public situations (only 10-20 tenge). Also, you may have a stove or oven that you need to use matches to light. (they use gas) the milk that is sold door to door or on the street in front of your house is not pasturized, so keep that in mind. its easier to buy it at the store in boxes. Whatever you buy at the bazaar you should clean before eating, including rice, raisens, and other dried fruit. Be careful eating food from street vendors (you don't want to spend the whole time there being sick). No matter what you do you may have some intestinal disruptions. Be sure to bring immodium with you. I would also bring little packs of tissues to use as toilet paper in some instances. And bring hand sanitizer. Toddlers are allowed to go to the bathroom anywhere... along the street, sidewalks, anywhere. So if your 2 1/2 year old is recently potty trained, you don't need to worry... any bush or corner will work.
One last thing.... most people in Kazakhstan do not understand why Americans would want to come and adopt their orphans or abandoned kids. there is a cultural stigma about adopting and so they don't understnad why anyone would adopt a child who doesn't look like them. If they adopt, they usually keep it a secret from everyone. There is a prevalent rumor that Americans adopt foreign children to use them for organs or "spare parts". It is a horrible lie, but you may be faced with the question of WHY you want to adopt from there. In the past I have explained to our Kazak friends how difficult it is to adopt inside the US, and how many Americans want to help babies from other countries to have a chance at a better life.
This letter has turned into a long one. i am sure there are things I haven't remembered to say or that have created more questions in your mind. If you know the ethnicity of your baby girl, I may have more suggestions for when you are facing the court. Please feel free to write again. I really hope that your adventure to Kazakhstan goes well and I'm willing to help in whatever way I can.
On a different note, we have decided that my mom and Davis are leaving tomorrow (Thurs). They will arrive back in the US on Friday night. Davis has had enough of playing with 5 toys. We have exhausted our DVD selection and our imagination. Below is a picture of Davis as a Hockey player. The other day we were fishing with a race track, string and an olive as bait. Yes, we are all bored….but only 2 can go home! Davis woke up this morning with a big grin and asked if today’s the day we are going to the airport. The Johnny Jump Up is the only reason Leah is not bored! It was the best thing we brought!
I will be here for 2 weeks more. I have different dates I am being told that I can leave for Almaty. March 24th and March 27th. It depends on when the paperwork in completed. I am comfortable in Aktobe but would like a change of scenery.
Also, they use homemade brooms here. My mom saw a man clipping the lower branches of trees and then bunching them together with a long pole in the middle. They would then tie them together with 3 strings to make a broom.
Below is an email from a lady who lived in Kazakhstan for 7 years. She is the sister of a friend of Milon’s from wok. Most of this we witnessed while staying here. It was helpful to have an understanding of this culture before we arrived.
Hello Robert,
Yes, my brother Scott told me that you would be writing to us and I looked forward to hearing from you. We lived in Shymkent, Kazakhstan (southern K-stan) for 7 years. First of all I would like to say congratulations on your upcoming adoption! I am always thrilled when I hear people are adopting from Kazakhstan. I have been in many orphanages there and it is wonderful that some children will have the opportunity to escape their situation. Generally children living in orphanages will be "released" at age 13-16, and will be completely on their own. While living in K-stan my husband and I helped an American couple during their adoption of two children. We went to court with them and saw how the process works. I am assuming you will have a representative from the adoption agency there with you to assist with these things and also translate for you. I am curious, do you know the ethnicity of the child you are adopting? Is she Kazak, Russian, or something else? Depending on your answer I can give you additional advice/suggestions.
As for your questions... First of all, we've never visited Western K-stan where you will be going, but from what I understand it is pretty similar to the area we lived in. (the majority of the population of Aqtobe is Kazak, just like Shymkent) So I hope the advice I'm giving you is accurate and helpful. As for safety concerns, I was never nervous about living in Kazakhstan and I felt perfectly safe. However, if your wife and son are staying in Aqtobe by themselves, I would suggest that you choose a good neighborhood and choose an apartment that is NOT on the first floor or the top floor. Apartments on these floors get broken into more often. Also make sure the apartment has a good door with good locks. I am sure that the adoption agency rep. will see to all of these things for you. It is a city, just like a city in the US, so normal safety precautions would be good to remember (like don't go out at night, lock your doors, etc.) I would also find out if there are other ex-pats (American or European) living in the area who might be able to provide help or companionship.
As for gifts, yes, they like all things American. One thing I would suggest is to avoid anything that has the words "Made in China" written on the tags. China exports all its worst quality things to K-stan, so the locals always associate China with very poor quality (junk). We've taken all kinds of things as gifts... T-shirts (if made in the US or somewhere other than China), scented candles, make-up, toys, hair accessories for little girls, candy, photo books about the USA, postcards, posters, jewelry, etc.
Yes, there are pre-paid phone cards. I don't know if they'll work with your US cell phone or not, but since you work for a cell phone company, you would know! :-) I would suggest buying them there since you know it will work. We didn't use cell phones for calling the US, we had a landline phone with a special plan for calling the US. The phone system there is terrible, so cell phones might be better. If you use the regular phone company (Kaz Telecom) it will be very expensive to call the US. You can also you skype if you have a good internet connection somewhere. (which isn't garunteed) Cell phones are very popular there and they sell phones and cards everywhere.
As for cultural tips... the Kazak and Russian cultures are quite different (no matter what the people themselves might say about it). We are most familiar with the Kazak culture, since we spoke Kazak and spent the majority of our time with them. Personally, I think they are a fascinating culture, and there is a lot to tell, but I will try to keep it brief. The Kazaks are Muslim, but usually in name only. They are generally more superstitious than anything else (though there may be an exceptions of course). Russians also have superstitions. it is impossible to tell about all of them, but one of the common ones that Americans have trouble with is the handshake in the doorway. They do not like to shake hands over the threshhold of a door (it is bad luck). Also, they do not like lots of compliments about people, especially about babies, since it invites the attention of the evil eye. I have heard people say, "Oh what an ugly baby!" which is understood to mean the opposite, but will trick the evil eye. They often pin safety pins with black and white beads on them to a baby's clothing, or hang amulets or feathers on babies to ward off evil spirits. I personally never called anyone's baby "ugly" but I did avoid comments on beauty altogether. I just asked questions about the baby's age, developmental milestones, etc. or gave compliments on clothing or something. You may also notice that people may not have the bottom half of the baby covered. They generally do not use diapers. They train infants to pee at the signal of a certain sound, and they are constantly taking them to the toilet. In the last few years more "modern" mothers buy pampers (individually) for special occasions or when taking trips to stores or restaurants. Russian babies are also potty trained very early, but they seem to use diapers more readily than Kazak mothers. If a baby has a birthmark, it is given an automatic name "Anara" which means pomengranite... t his name is supposed to help "heal" the baby from its birthmark. (Just a warning in case your adopted girl has a birthmark)
Another major thing to remember is that you should always remove your shoes before entering a person's home. when you enter a doorway, look to see if people's shoes are lying there, which means you should remove yours. People are offended if you wear your shoes into their home. I don't know what the custom will be inside the orphanage. Another thing that was hard for me to learn, is that blowing one's nose in public is not polite. You can wipe with a tissue discretely, but not opening blowing. It is more polite to hold one side of your nostril and blow onto the sidewalk (though I never could bring myself to do that). Also you may observe lots of people spitting on the sidewalks... I know its gross but it happens. Be careful where you walk! Also, be careful your little toddler doesn't touch things.... there will probably be broken glass and other trash lying around. (they aren't particularly good about litter)
A few general observations about culture... they are very hospitable and like to spend time talking and drinking tea. A guest is taken very seriously. They will even not go to work or cancel all other plans for an unexpected guest. They are NOT time oriented at all. Nothing is done efficiently. It can be very annoying as you wait for things to get done. There is also a bribery system in place which can make things get more drawn out. People usually do not wait in proper lines.... its more of a mass of people. They like to shop at the bazaar, which is an market place. It is a very interesting place to see, so I would suggest you visit at least one time (but make sure you don't have anything valuable on you since there are lots of pick-pockets and beggars). They usually haggle prices and will initially quote you a ridiculous price. Since you won't have the language, stick to prices that are written down on items. usually the sellers all have calculators, or you can bring one so that you can show the price on it. The police are very particular about cameras... if you are taking pictures in a public place they might ask you to stop. I would try it and then just claim ignorance. :-) Also people like to have their picture taken, though they liked to be asked. You can communicate a lot without knowing the language. Also, you'll notice that most people do not smile for pictures.
Be prepared to be stared at. People can tell you are different, and many people have never met an American. They may motion at you, or talk about you or even to you. Also, they will think you are crazy if you walk around smiling at strangers on the sidewalk or on public transportation. As for clothing, people may be poor, but they spend a lot of time and energy on looking good. They may only have one or two nice outfits, but they will wear those outfits every day.... and usually 3-4 days in a row. People wear their nice outfit to work or school, and then come home and wear their "house clothes" or robes. They may or may not wash their nice outfit in between wearings. The ultra casual clothes most americans wear is strange to them. The women always look like they are going to a party... high heels, and dressed up. The younger girls do wear jeans, but they are not the torn, faded jeans of American teens. The guys usually wear dress shoes or nice sneakers. If you go in August, it may still be hot, so bring sandals. Women generally do not wear shorts unless they are in their home (though girls will wear them). Men sometimes wear long shorts. The ladies do wear capris in the summer and skirts or sundresses.
Other things... Usually they do not flush their used toilet paper down the toilet. They put it in a basket next to the toilet. I know its a strange (and gross) thing... but apparently the Soviet pipes can't handle the paper. Some newer, more modern apartment buildings have the capability, so maybe you won't have this problem. Also, many toilets in restaurants and at the mall, airports, etc. may be what we call "squatty potties." Which are toilets in on the ground where you squat to go. These can be challenging if you aren't used to them. You also need to pay to use them in most public situations (only 10-20 tenge). Also, you may have a stove or oven that you need to use matches to light. (they use gas) the milk that is sold door to door or on the street in front of your house is not pasturized, so keep that in mind. its easier to buy it at the store in boxes. Whatever you buy at the bazaar you should clean before eating, including rice, raisens, and other dried fruit. Be careful eating food from street vendors (you don't want to spend the whole time there being sick). No matter what you do you may have some intestinal disruptions. Be sure to bring immodium with you. I would also bring little packs of tissues to use as toilet paper in some instances. And bring hand sanitizer. Toddlers are allowed to go to the bathroom anywhere... along the street, sidewalks, anywhere. So if your 2 1/2 year old is recently potty trained, you don't need to worry... any bush or corner will work.
One last thing.... most people in Kazakhstan do not understand why Americans would want to come and adopt their orphans or abandoned kids. there is a cultural stigma about adopting and so they don't understnad why anyone would adopt a child who doesn't look like them. If they adopt, they usually keep it a secret from everyone. There is a prevalent rumor that Americans adopt foreign children to use them for organs or "spare parts". It is a horrible lie, but you may be faced with the question of WHY you want to adopt from there. In the past I have explained to our Kazak friends how difficult it is to adopt inside the US, and how many Americans want to help babies from other countries to have a chance at a better life.
This letter has turned into a long one. i am sure there are things I haven't remembered to say or that have created more questions in your mind. If you know the ethnicity of your baby girl, I may have more suggestions for when you are facing the court. Please feel free to write again. I really hope that your adventure to Kazakhstan goes well and I'm willing to help in whatever way I can.
On a different note, we have decided that my mom and Davis are leaving tomorrow (Thurs). They will arrive back in the US on Friday night. Davis has had enough of playing with 5 toys. We have exhausted our DVD selection and our imagination. Below is a picture of Davis as a Hockey player. The other day we were fishing with a race track, string and an olive as bait. Yes, we are all bored….but only 2 can go home! Davis woke up this morning with a big grin and asked if today’s the day we are going to the airport. The Johnny Jump Up is the only reason Leah is not bored! It was the best thing we brought!
I will be here for 2 weeks more. I have different dates I am being told that I can leave for Almaty. March 24th and March 27th. It depends on when the paperwork in completed. I am comfortable in Aktobe but would like a change of scenery.
1 comment:
Wow, what a thoughtful note you received from your acquaintance! I bet it has been pretty helpful.
I understand your decision to have your mom and Davis make their way home. Must have been easy and hard at the same time. How are you feeling about being there alone? Well, with one very cute exception! I did it girl, and so can you!!!
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