Someone Induce Me...Please

We are still at the November time frame but I have a feeling it will slip like it has before. I want to feel like I did in the last month of pregnancy. Excitement with a bit of anxiety and nervousness mixed in. However, with adoption it is hard to be excited. I don't have anything tangible to be excited about. I don't know how old she is, when I will see her, what she looks like, what her name is. At least with pregnancy you know there is an end in sight. I WANT A DUE DATE!!! I want to know that I can't go more than 2 weeks past my date! I am a planner...I'm a bit Type A. I write everything down on a white board near our kitchen and I cross off everyday. Like I am counting down to some miraclous timepoint! I also have a "hard copy" calendar so next year I can look back and see what was going! Yes, not the "best" personality for international adoption!

Why is it that when things don't go as planned it becomes an act of God? Like God is making this take forever for the better? I sit and wonder what we have done to cause this? What we can do to hurry this up! Maybe God is trying to instill patience in me! I think I have been patient enough. I have waited 3 yrs for another child!

I would not be impatient if it didn't involve the life of a little girl sitting in an orphanage who has no one to wipe her tears, hold her when she's sick, or rock her when she's tired. It doesn't seem fair when we go to the park, feed the ducks or bike ride to be having fun without her!! I feel sort of guilty about it but I know there is nothing I can do. This is not my wish at all. I often imagine Davis sitting in an orphanage and realize how much he needs us right now. They need guidance and reassurance, they need to have fun and explore the world! I also realize how much I would miss from him! His random kisses and hugs, his silly copycat phrases he comes out with when I don't even think he has listened to me. For example, I usually say "Let's rock and roll" when we are leaving to go somewhere. The other day we were getting ready to leave and he says "Mommy, let's rock and roll". I burst out laughing! Or when he said to me the other day "Mommy, are you thinking what I am thinking?" I have no idea where he got that one from!

I always feel like a child again when I take Davis anywhere. That's the wonderful part of being a parent. For example, we often go to a park called Lake Pine. We walk around the lake and he notices everything just like it was Christmas morning! We see birds, turtles, fish and even snakes! I am not sure Disney World would be as exciting. I love the innocence and the enthusiasm he has for life! I just can't wait to show her the world with the simplest things as well!

Okay, enough for a bah humbug post! Maybe it's a good thing I don't have a lot of spare time to write in the blog :> Just feeling a little helpless, hopeless and uninspired but I know this will pass with time.