Another Brick in the Wall

Our tickets were booked, bags were packed, house was clean, Christmas taken down, paperwork ready...and we aren't going anywhere.

I thought my next post would be from Kazakhstan but apparently, that is not going to be the case. We got a call that our registration numbers have not arrived and therefore, we cannot get our visas.

Why? We are still trying to figure it out. I could buy the idea that they just haven't been processed yet IF we are talking about delaying a few days. But when we are talking weeks, I have a harder time buying in. Unless of course the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing which is quickly becoming apparent to me. Is it because there are now no more children available for adoption and we are back "in the queue"? This seems more plausible, but we don't have confirmation of this.

When? We have no idea. Could be days, weeks, months, I have no idea.

What about this process is best for the child? What is best for the adoptive parents? How do we make sense of this to a 3 yr old when we can't make sense of it ourselves? How do I continue to have a "normal" existence when nothing is normal about it?

It was suggested that I not post about travel dates, possible child, etc which is partly why I haven't mentioned exact dates, etc. I thought long and hard about even posting this entry but I reminded myself that this blog is for one person ONLY....our daughter. I want her to know how difficult this journey has been and how much she is truly wanted. I feel like I have just had a miscarriage. The excitement of the pregnancy quickly turns to sadness as it ends. Enduring Negative pregnancy tests over and over again is easier emotionally than this adoption! I don't know at what point it is "safe" to be excited! Surely not today.

So at this point, I don't have any answers. We are trying to make sense of it ourselves and hoping over the next few days we become comfortably numb. (yes, for who get the Pink Reference...I have been with Milon way too long)