Another Brick in the Wall

Our tickets were booked, bags were packed, house was clean, Christmas taken down, paperwork ready...and we aren't going anywhere.

I thought my next post would be from Kazakhstan but apparently, that is not going to be the case. We got a call that our registration numbers have not arrived and therefore, we cannot get our visas.

Why? We are still trying to figure it out. I could buy the idea that they just haven't been processed yet IF we are talking about delaying a few days. But when we are talking weeks, I have a harder time buying in. Unless of course the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing which is quickly becoming apparent to me. Is it because there are now no more children available for adoption and we are back "in the queue"? This seems more plausible, but we don't have confirmation of this.

When? We have no idea. Could be days, weeks, months, I have no idea.

What about this process is best for the child? What is best for the adoptive parents? How do we make sense of this to a 3 yr old when we can't make sense of it ourselves? How do I continue to have a "normal" existence when nothing is normal about it?

It was suggested that I not post about travel dates, possible child, etc which is partly why I haven't mentioned exact dates, etc. I thought long and hard about even posting this entry but I reminded myself that this blog is for one person ONLY....our daughter. I want her to know how difficult this journey has been and how much she is truly wanted. I feel like I have just had a miscarriage. The excitement of the pregnancy quickly turns to sadness as it ends. Enduring Negative pregnancy tests over and over again is easier emotionally than this adoption! I don't know at what point it is "safe" to be excited! Surely not today.

So at this point, I don't have any answers. We are trying to make sense of it ourselves and hoping over the next few days we become comfortably numb. (yes, for who get the Pink Reference...I have been with Milon way too long)

LOI MIA

We still don't have our Letter of Invitation. Apparently, it has been signed off in the region and sent to Astana for registration numbers but that's as far as it has gotten. We are hopeful that next week we will get our travel dates.

This probably means we won't be here for Christmas. We figure we need to leave by Next Friday in order to just make it home in time for the holidays. That's not looking very promising. On one hand I am glad the 4 of us will be together and on the other will miss our family and friends. Coordinating Santa coming will also be a challenge. Good thing Davis is clueless on dates b/c we might have to make up our own Christmas date!

Hopefully, the next post I make will be a good one!

Holy Smokes Spiderman! LOI Update!

We finally got "the sort of" call we have been waiting forever for! Our agency said they are processing our LOI and it should come within the week. They don't have travel dates yet, but would guess it's going to the ASAP. YEAH!

This is great timing b/c it means we will miss Thanksgiving (oh well pecan pie) but will be home for Christmas! Then leave again right after the new year! I wish we could spend Christmas with her but that's just the way it is. At least Santa won't have to find us buried in the ice and snow in Kazakhstan!

Our computer got fixed yesterday also! They replaced the memory sticks, motherboard and processor so we basically have a new computer! Rock on!

I will update more when we have official travel dates. We are busy starting to get the house ready to leave and pack. Oh and are still celebrating...we had a fire last night, made some chicken Parmesan with homemade Rosemary bread and a couple bottles of wine (although we couldn't finish both...we are light weights these days)!

Crashed and Initiated

So I found out I have been officially initiated into the "almost ready to travel club". Thanks Alysa for sharing. Apparently, most people experience computer crashes right before they get their travel dates. Yeah! We passed the test...the computer on the other hand well, the motherboard went bad. But the good news is my ingenious husband found a way to renew our warranty with Dell for $43 and they are sending us a new motherboard! The computer is just over 1 yr old so we were devastated for it to crash so early!

Tick-tock, tick-tock is about all I hear all day! These days are becoming very LONG! Thanks to Regina's blog and careful calculations, I am anxious for a phone call up until 12:00 and after that I figure if I haven't heard anything than all bets are off for that day. I am also not on guard on the weekends because I figure no one is working to get a call!

I have finished Xmas shopping, and as soon as the Xmas trees are out I think we will put one up just so Davis has a little "extra" time to enjoy Xmas.

That's all folks for today!

Are We Getting Close?

Our agency said the next 'batch" of kids should come off the registry the second half of November and we should travel quickly after that. Hopefully a girl will be coming off at that point! I have a good feeling about it because another couple from Belgium that is going to Aktobe just got there travel dates for Nov 20th! It would be nice to meet someone else while over their.

Another reason I feel it's coming is my laptop crashed and Davis and I are sick. We just went out and bought a "back-up" laptop and Davis and I are on antibiotics but I don't feel any better and neither does he! The new laptop does work though!

I just finished the rest of the paperwork needed. So we are all set and ready to go!

I even bought bedding for her daybed if she is older (and a throw rug and curtains)! I am not taking down the crib though until I know for sure how old she will be. I figured she would eventually use the bedding anyway so better to be prepared.

We figured that in order to be here for Christmas we need to leave by Dec 8th. That way we will be in between trips during Christmas. I really don't care about missing Thanksgiving...Davis wouldn't eat Turkey and stuffing anyway!

I can't post pics on this new computer yet, but as soon as I do I have some really funny Halloween pics to post!

Back to the Old Me

Well this post has more than one meaning. Most importantly, I am out of my rut from my last post. We are getting close and I am going to try and keep busy until we get the call.

I am up to 35 words/phrases in Russian! I have "almost" gotten the throw-up smell out of our SUV and helped Davis get marbles out of his hinny. Yes, I did say marbles in his hinny. Milon and I were so excited when Davis played in his toy room for nearly 30 mins. I walked in to make sure he was okay when I saw him give me this guilty look. I asked what he did and he handed me a marble and said he put them in his hinny....WHAT??? After Milon and I tried very hard to conceal our out of control laughter, I gave him a baby laxative and out came 2 marbles.

The other meaning of this post is on Wed, I am getting my hair highlighted blonde again! YEAH! I have never had brown hair until 7 months ago (can't believe I have lived with this hair that long) I decided to go back natural and be brown. I have hated it every since! I thought I would get use to it but continue to not recognize myself! I don't feel like me, so off I go to get it back to "me"

I met a great resource the other day at a play place in Apex called "The Hoppers House". As strange as it sounds I recognized the couple and their kids from their blog! I bet they didn't know they'd be famous:> They adopted 2 adorable children from Kazakhstan. They also brought their son along with them on their trip so they will be a great resource to answer all of the questions I still have! I won't mention their names in case they don't want to be known, but I did invite them to read our blog!

Someone Induce Me...Please

We are still at the November time frame but I have a feeling it will slip like it has before. I want to feel like I did in the last month of pregnancy. Excitement with a bit of anxiety and nervousness mixed in. However, with adoption it is hard to be excited. I don't have anything tangible to be excited about. I don't know how old she is, when I will see her, what she looks like, what her name is. At least with pregnancy you know there is an end in sight. I WANT A DUE DATE!!! I want to know that I can't go more than 2 weeks past my date! I am a planner...I'm a bit Type A. I write everything down on a white board near our kitchen and I cross off everyday. Like I am counting down to some miraclous timepoint! I also have a "hard copy" calendar so next year I can look back and see what was going! Yes, not the "best" personality for international adoption!

Why is it that when things don't go as planned it becomes an act of God? Like God is making this take forever for the better? I sit and wonder what we have done to cause this? What we can do to hurry this up! Maybe God is trying to instill patience in me! I think I have been patient enough. I have waited 3 yrs for another child!

I would not be impatient if it didn't involve the life of a little girl sitting in an orphanage who has no one to wipe her tears, hold her when she's sick, or rock her when she's tired. It doesn't seem fair when we go to the park, feed the ducks or bike ride to be having fun without her!! I feel sort of guilty about it but I know there is nothing I can do. This is not my wish at all. I often imagine Davis sitting in an orphanage and realize how much he needs us right now. They need guidance and reassurance, they need to have fun and explore the world! I also realize how much I would miss from him! His random kisses and hugs, his silly copycat phrases he comes out with when I don't even think he has listened to me. For example, I usually say "Let's rock and roll" when we are leaving to go somewhere. The other day we were getting ready to leave and he says "Mommy, let's rock and roll". I burst out laughing! Or when he said to me the other day "Mommy, are you thinking what I am thinking?" I have no idea where he got that one from!

I always feel like a child again when I take Davis anywhere. That's the wonderful part of being a parent. For example, we often go to a park called Lake Pine. We walk around the lake and he notices everything just like it was Christmas morning! We see birds, turtles, fish and even snakes! I am not sure Disney World would be as exciting. I love the innocence and the enthusiasm he has for life! I just can't wait to show her the world with the simplest things as well!

Okay, enough for a bah humbug post! Maybe it's a good thing I don't have a lot of spare time to write in the blog :> Just feeling a little helpless, hopeless and uninspired but I know this will pass with time.